bethysmalls

Every once in a while, in an attempt to better understand what happened to Felix, I google his situation. “Amniotic bands and cleft” I typed in a couple of nights ago. I came across an article I hadn’t read before on widesmiles.org.

“Constriction Band Syndrome is, in fact, the result of a pre-birth accident. It happens when, for some reason or another, there is a rupture in the amniotic sac during pregnancy. The Amniotic sac then falls away. Most often, under those circumstances, the fetus will spontaneously abort and the pregnancy ends in miscarriage. However, there are cases in which, against all odds, the fetus continues to develop without the protection of the amniotic sac.“

I had always known we were lucky. His injuries, for lack of a better word, are not that severe. He will likely have almost unrestricted use of his hands and his lip is looking better every day. But until I read that, it never really hit me how lucky we are that Felix is with us. “…against all odds,” it says. The whole pregnancy was an odds breaker, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but I was. None of the many, many, many (many,many!) doctors I spoke to in the few days after Felix was born mentioned it to me, that Felix is an uber-miracle. Almost 8 months later, I’m finally fully aware of how insanely amazing he is. And I already thought he was pretty insanely amazing.

The best part about this discovery is that, for the first time since my 20 week ultrasound, I’m not angry about what happened. And I don’t feel sorry for Felix or for myself. Overwhelming gratitude and awe.

On my way upstairs to take a very sleepy and cranky baby to bed, I bumped into a picture frame that has been hanging in the same spot for at least a couple of years. Because I am a both very graceful and a brilliant decorator, this is not the first time I’ve bumped into this picture frame. It is however the first time it fell off the wall, down the steps leaving a trail of broken glass and tiny shards.

Because my 3 year old is smart and understands simple instructions I said to him, “Don’t go near the steps, please. Stay where you are.” I thought about adding, “If you need to pee, just go.” but decided not to put ideas in his head. He said, “Okay.” So I proceeded to change the baby’s diaper and prepare him for a nap. And then I hear my 3 year old say, “I’m bringing this up.” He was on the steps holding the empty frame and standing right next to two big pieces of glass. I kinda freaked and shouted, “I told you not to go near the steps!” To which he responded by screaming and STOMPING HIS FEET ON THE STEPS.

I put the baby in the crib and came downstairs to find that, miraculously, his feet were not shredded to bits but had one tiny scratch. By the time I got back upstairs, baby was… unhappy. The boy was sitting on the couch with more, shall we say, firm instructions to NOT MOVE, and I was able to finish putting the baby to bed and clean up the steps.

Hopeful that that is the most exciting 15 minutes of my day.