bethysmalls

Jay Z
I like Jay Z. A lot. And I'm sure he'd put on an awesome halftime show and wear a parka cause it's so cold. He doesn't care, he's going to be comfortable cause he's Jay Z.

I always said that I wish I could be the God of Traffic so that I could smite drivers I saw to be unfit. I guess as a super hero, I would disable the vehicles of such drivers and force them to take the bus. A slow and crowded one. That only runs every 40 minutes.

Bruno’s Birth Story Part 1 (the part that has nothing to do with Bruno actually being ‘born’)

As many of you know, my baby reached the 40 week mark on December 20th, 2008. As with many due dates that was really more of an estimate and a pretty bad one as it turned out.

On Sunday 12/21/08, our heat stopped working. This was fairly stressful, but even more so because we JUST had our boiler replaced earlier in the month because our old one didn’t work. Our new one was not much better. We called our heater guys, a gas-appliance version of Click and Clack , and they came the very next morning to fix the problem. Not that they knew what the problem was, per se, but they re lit the pilot and went on their way. The next day, the pilot was out again and Click and Clack came back, changed the thermo coupler and, with fingers crossed, left and gave me their cell phone numbers to be used in the event that the heater didn’t work again on Christmas Eve or Christmas as it was coming up. On Christmas eve, they had to come back and this time they changed the gas pump while still not really knowing what the problem was, I tried to give them some cookies for their trouble but they would not accept, perhaps because they knew that they’d be back.

Later that afternoon, there was a knock at the door and I hauled my very, overly pregnant self off my new home on the couch to let in my heat guys. They finally had reached the manufacturer and had found out the real problem! Holler-lujah! So that was fixed, finally! I still hadn’t had a baby yet, by the way. 12/24/08 and we had heat again, finally, but no baby.

12/25/08 was spent listening to WPRB on the radio and having dinner with my Mom at our house. We sat around waiting to see if we’d have a Christmas baby! I’d not really wanted that, but at that point it was preferable to being ‘still pregnant.’

At my final prenatal visit, it was determined that I was not dilated. Like at all. I mean they said 1/2 a centimeter but I’m pretty sure that’s just what doctors say to women who look like they might murder them if there is one more, “still nothing!” report.

So I was to come in on Friday the 26th for some tests and a check up and then again on Tuesday the 30th for another test and in the mean time my doctor would schedule the induction just in case. Ha. I brought my papers to the woman at the scheduling desk who informed me that “ain’t nobody here on Friday.” Because it’s a Holiday and all.  But NO IT FREAKING ISN’T. Anyway, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, the doctor helped us come up with a scheme to get my testing done anyway. On the 26th, my tests showed that baby was happy and healthy and in no immediate danger and I could go on being pregnant a little longer oh and “call on the 29th to see if there’s room for you to be induced.” That’s what they told me. No number, no information beyond that, just, “Call.” Someone. WTF.

12/28/08, we finish up working on the guest room and my darling husband goes to take a shower. Afterward he says, “were you running the washer on hot?” I say, “no, why do you ask?” “Because I couldn’t get hot water.” My husband is a it’s-no-big-deal-just-relax kinda guy where as I’M an oh-my-freaking-gawd-why-is-this-freaking-happening-to-us-NOW kinda gal. So we have a small fight about how it’s not unreasonable for this to be stressing me out and I realize it’s not good for the baby but get off my case I’m way past pregnant here and I’ll get upset if I want to!

12/29/09 I have a few calls to make. One to each of the several numbers on the water heater that say, “call US when there’s a problem!” one to some mysterious department in the hospital which will tell me if I can come in or not. I go the hospital route first and am directed to my doctor’s office first and they, kindly, direct me to the hospital but to a different department and THEY tell me “call back around 4.” The water heater installers tell me I must call the water heater company first to get a reference number, etc. Water Heater Customer Service walks me through relighting the pilot light which fails and it is determined that my “thermo start” needs replacing and they’ll send it out and we can get it fixed tomorrow. I start to cry and tell the lady ICAN’TFREAKINGWAITTILTOMORROWI’MSUPPOSEDTOHAVEABABY! She tells me I can get the part from Lowe’s and submit the receipt. The installation people tell me that they can’t come til tomorrow and it will be sometime between 9 am and 5 pm. I tell them to pound sand and call click and clack. Click and clack have no idea what a thermo start is but say they’ll come give it a shot and I head to Lowe’s to buy the part. I get it and call them to say, it’s the part with the pilot starter and the dial and what not and they say, “Oh yeah, that’s the thermostat, that’s the whole dealy.” You see, friends, thermo START is some Indian dialect translation of thermoSTAT! I digress.

Seeing as how this is already pretty long and most of you haven’t even read to this point, I’ll continue another day. Stay tuned!

-bethysmalls-

It's cool, I'm worth the wait!

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EycVwdHuwQc]

Today we took Bruno out to Babies R’ Us and as with most of his outings he did superbly. As soon as we get him into his bear suit and into the car seat, he is fast asleep and happy as a clam. The trip took about an hour or so and when we got home, his dad took him out of the seat and the suit and said, “That felt… messy.” Bruno had awoken with the intense urge to poop and did so with gusto! Daddy and baby went upstairs to take care of business and I stayed downstairs to unwrap and sort all the new goods to be washed when I heard a second explosion. “Was that what I think it was?” I called up. “If you mean Bruno pooping and peeing at the same time, then, yes!” I called back, “need any help?” “Maybe…” he said, so I got myself upstairs as fast as I could go while laughing and holding my stomach all the way.

It was not a pretty sight. I started wiping and gathering the messy parts, moving them away from the flailing limbs and just when I got that tiny bum clean, BOOM! I was hit with another round of ammo! Right on the hand! We stood there laughing and staring at our little poop machine, trying to figure out what to do next…
We finally got everything squared away and Bruno was happy as could be. And then he was all like, “What’s the big deal? Like you’ve never seen poop before?”

And for all the Grammas out there, here’s a little footage… Not of the poop, just the pooper:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MoaSJTeCb04]

It’s been an interesting and exciting couple of weeks. I’ve been adjusting to life as a mom/food supply and haven’t quite figured out how to incorporate blogging into it but I swear I’m working on it!

To placate my loyal readers, here are a couple of videos we took today. Their aim is to showcase how stinking cute my son is.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8BPEpwagwU]

and episode 2

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnKBpHkf76g]

Universe, you’re welcome.

OMG, you guys! I have a baby! AND IT’S A-FREAKING-DORABLE! I had a hard time believing we got to keep him which I know is totally like what everyone says, but they say that because that’s exactly what it feels like. I was so used to the idea of being pregnant that I really didn’t think I’d ever not be again. And, then, Poof! Tiny baby! In my arms! Forever!

I’ll be giving you more details, should you choose to indulge yourself, about my labor and delivery but let’s say for now that it did not go as desired but also that I am so happy now I couldn’t care less how lil Bruno came into the world. He’s here and he’s awesome and I CAN’T BELIEVE I GET TO KEEP HIM!

That’s all for now… Oh you want pictures?

Okayyyy…..